Death As Is
Dying in a modern society
We spent millennia perfecting how to live well, but barely spare a minute contemplating how to die well. As a result, we live far better than the kings, queens and royalties a hundred years ago, yet we die worse than our ancient ancestors. So many of us approach death with a potent cocktail of fear, anxiety, anger, despair and depression. Is this really how we want to die? We can’t deny our way out of dying after all, so after centuries of denial, it is long overdue that we finally ignite that change within.
There are two philosophies of dying
The Lazarus Way
When Jesus arrives in Bethany, he finds that Lazarus is dead and has already been in his tomb for four days. He meets first with Martha and Mary in turn. Martha laments that Jesus did not arrive soon enough to heal her brother (“if you had been here, my brother would not have died”) and Jesus replies with the well-known statement, “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die”.[12] Martha affirms that she does truly believe and states, “Yes, Lord. I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who has to come into the world.”
In the presence of a crowd of Jewish mourners, Jesus comes to the tomb. Jesus asks for the stone of the tomb to be removed, but Martha interjects that there will be a smell. Jesus responds, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” Over the objections of Martha, Jesus has them roll the stone away from the entrance to the tomb and says a prayer. They take the stone away then Jesus looks up and says: “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” He then calls Lazarus to come out (“Come forth”) and Lazarus does so, still wrapped in his grave-cloths. Jesus then calls for someone to remove the grave-cloths, and let him go.
“The Lazarus way” is the pursuit of miracles, one that aligns with our modern societal view of dying, and our medical and scientific pursuit of how not to die. Thanks to centuries of efforts, we now live longer, but we still die eventually, every one of us. There is no avoidance.
The mustard seed way of dying
Bringing the body of her son with her, Kisa found Buddha and pleaded with him to help bring her son back to life. He instructed her to go back to her village and gather mustard seeds from the households of those who have never been touched by the death. From those mustard seeds, he promised he would create a medicine to bring her son back to life. Relieved, she went back to her village and began asking her neighbors for mustard seeds.
All of her neighbors were willing to give her mustard seeds, but they all told her that their households had been touched by death. They told her, “the living are few, but the dead are many.”
As the day became evening and then night, she was still without any of the mustard seeds that she had been instructed to collect. She realized then the universality of death. According to the Buddhist verse her story comes from, she said:
“It’s not just a truth for one village or town, Nor is it a truth for a single family. But for every world settled by gods [and men] This indeed is what is true — impermanence” (Olendzki, 2010).
With this new understanding, her grief was calmed. She buried her son in the forest and then returned to Buddha. She confessed to Buddha that she could not obtain any of the mustard seeds he had instructed her to collect because she could not find even one house untouched by death.
“The mustard seed way” is the acceptance of our impermanence, the impermanence of every living thing in fact. With this acceptance, we live every moment totally, and cherish life as is. When death comes to dissolve this physical body, after our lifetime of deep involvement with life, we let it go with loving detachment.
Which do you subscribe to?
Sharing of two philosophies is not to cause debate but to encourage a meaningful embrace of both – the noble pursuit of longevity coupled with the acceptance of our ultimate nature of impermanence. Even Lazarus died after all, didn’t he?
Death Positive Movement
In recent decades, we as a modern society have made tremendous progress through the Death Positive Movement. Though it is with much resistance and debate, we start to see an embrace and convergence of the modern scientific advancement and revival of traditional wisdom.
- In 1974, the first hospice opened, influenced by the death positive movement in the UK.
- In 1976, Natural Death Movement and Natural Death Act led to the creation of Living Will and Advance Directives, amongst its far reaching impact, it serves as a powerful tool for the non-binary and trans population to protect their identity in death.
- In the 1980s, the Death Acceptance Movement led to the birth of palliative care, which offered an interdisciplinary approach to care for individuals with a life-limiting illness, with the goal of enhancing a patient’s quality of life.
- In the 1990s, there was green burial movement and home funerals
- In 2011, Death Cafes emerged where strangers gathered to eat cake, drink coffee and openly talk about death. They sought and gained support and comfort from one another.
- In the 2010’s, there was also the emergence of Death Doulas. Though the term is new, this profession, or the essence of this service has been around for eons. Death Doulas bring back the forgotten wisdom of the death and dying process.
- Zen Hospice: the evolution from hospice which embraces death to the embrace of life remaining and dying with dignity.
More recently: the passing of law permitting medical aid in dying.
The death positive movement has been gaining broader awareness and momentum in recent years, yet more work is still to be done. Thanks to these pioneers, the new generation of like minds such as myself can tap into this incredible knowledge base, build on top of it, use it to serve the broader society, and propel that transformation forward exponentially.
